I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
