Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
