i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
