the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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