More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
