please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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