I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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