I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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