I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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