Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
