He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Houston, we have a blender
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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