I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
