So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The adults are the big ones right?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
