I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
