Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize