life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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