Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
