I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
