new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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