Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
