I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
