this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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