Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
