Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
