I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize