he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
