The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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