Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize