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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
