How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
