is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
