youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
