hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
