i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
