Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
