I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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