I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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