Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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