i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
