I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
