Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
