Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
