4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
