so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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