mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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