its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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