she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
