I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
