We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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