i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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