I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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