i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
