Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
