You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
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