i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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