He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
