I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
