Please, let me fuck your mom
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
