my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
