If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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