I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
