5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
do nipples grow back?
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