she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
