Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Of course I have a pirate flag
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
