you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My vagina just recognized that song.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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