This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize