I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
