Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
