I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
