You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
