Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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