Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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