drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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