I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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