So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize