this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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