I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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