So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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