My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
