I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
