Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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