He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
