He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
