i already hear my dad disowning me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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