I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
