This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
