I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
please come you make the beer taste better
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
