You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just cropdusted the office
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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