While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
