i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
