somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
