my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
