In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
