1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I puked a lego.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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