Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
someone owes me an orgasm
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
