oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
