She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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