The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize