Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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