You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
