How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
