I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
