You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I supernannyed him into submission
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
