I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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