Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
