I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
