Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize