If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
