worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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