Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
