I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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