"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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