; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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