Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
